My post today is going to be a little different than my usual thing.
When I started this new blog a year ago, my promise to you was that I’d be completely authentic and let it all hang out. So, there’s no way I can sit down to write today without letting you know that I’m feeling extra challenged right now. Not challenged work-wise, but challenged life-wise.
As parents, my husband and I are struggling with knowing how to best support our son right now. He’s got some special needs that make him especially tricky to parent. (I wrote a guest post about what it’s like being his mom at Andrea Owen’s blog earlier this year.) Most of the time, I’m good with what’s going on. I’m a researcher, so I’ve read the books, I know the websites, I have the specialists lined up. I’m also a doer and a problem-solver, so I plow ahead and come up with plans, get everybody on board, and get to work.
But sometimes, like now, when my son is in the throes of a particularly lengthy and unpleasant regression, it’s harder.
And so I’m trying to figure out the how to balance it all. How to maintain my own self-care, how to meet my deadlines, how to tap into the creative joy and passion that drives most everything I do in my work life, while managing my energy with my son, being fully present for him, and staying grounded even when it’s raging all around me.
Though our son is 8, I still feel like I’m new at this, and as far as I can find, there’s no guidebook to tell me how to walk through what we’re experiencing at home. So for now, I’m going to keep fumbling through. I’m going to trust that things will get better (they always do) and give myself a break (I don’t have to figure it all out right now).
I’m going to find time to play more and find time to rest.
I’m going to work on letting go of the strongly held wish that things were easier (because they’re not).
I’m going to try to approach my parenting with the same creativity I put into my work and writing.
I’m sharing what’s going on because I think in today’s very public way of being and connecting through media like Facebook and Twitter, it’s easy to look around and think that everyone else is doing great…that we are the only ones going through really hard stuff. And that can hold us back from sharing, from creating, from finding peace in our circumstances.
And I think it’s important that we learn to be okay with being in this space.
It’s part of every human’s experience, in one way or another. I believe it’s all happening for a reason. I believe it’s where inspiration comes from.
Dear Debbie:
How wise and wonderful you are!
Thank you so much for sharing such an important perspective.
Natalie
Hi Debbie, Thanks for this! Helpful and well written- as always 🙂
Thank you, love it.
Thank you, Pablo.
Thanks Christian 🙂
Thanks for your note, Natalie. I don’t feel so wise, but I appreciate the sentiment… 😉
Debbie – Thank you so much for this post! It serves as a refreshing reminder that we all have challenges in our lives that sometimes seem daunting or overwhelming…but they can be overcome and 90% of it is attitude. Love your approach!
Debbie – this is wonderful on so many levels. I hope that you felt some relief in being vulnerable and that it lets you have compassion with yourself – and the ability to forge ahead. You know, we all know, that everyone of us struggles as a parent, just as we struggled in someways growing up. There are lots of great resources for understanding, support, and celebrating your child, your family and your collective efforts. Sometimes it takes a bit of work – but that’s your strength, right? I know you’ll dig in, see things for what they are and see how to make it work even better! Thanks for sharing! – L (PS and let me know if you want some ideas for resources, too!)
I love this piece Debbie on so many levels. My favorite part is when you talk about how even though your son is 8 you still feel new at this. In some ways that is the beauty because feeling new actually keeps us fresh and more apt to see our children with fresh eyes.
I remember though when the kids were small I would say things like: “Just when I have it figured out…he/she changes!” And so it goes. I think children when they are embarking on growth/change sometimes are more challenging, they too experience frustration with their own metamorphosis…as the shift takes place there is relief. No doubt it is just around the bend for the boy and his parents. xo
Thanks so much for your note, Leanne…yes, how we think about what we’re going through really is everything, isn’t it?
Thanks Lisa… I know you are a great resource when it comes to working with children… I may take you up on your offer! 🙂
Thanks Elin… It is always changing, isn’t it? I guess it’s like everything in that respect… evolving with a life partner, evolving one’s voice and work… I KNOW the shift is coming, and am looking forward to it! XOXO
Not much more to add other than I admire you my friend for your courage and strength and willingness to let others in.
What? You mean everyone else isn’t doing great???? 🙂
Well said. It is critical to be okay in this space. Not only is it the space you’re in… it also can allow you to see so much more of the world than you ever knew even existed. As long as you remember to sleep and take care of yourself, of course!
So eloquently said, Debbie. Shining a light on our challenging times, I think, brings us all closer. Much love to you and your family. XO
What a good and well-timed reminder to be authentic. Someone described me as “thriving” the other day and I listlissly agreed while inside I’m feeling sad and worried and teary. You inspire me to write a very different post as well.
I so appreciate your openness and honesty. I too fall prey to the belief that “everyone else is doing great” and I’m the only one who’s struggling. You have reminded me that everyone has their dark times, whether we see them or not. That we’re all human and doing our best, even (or especially) when things get particularly messy. Your vulnerability encouraged me to accept my situation more fully. Thank you for that!